I felt better today. Ava knocked on my door and I was already up, so we were down for breakfast at the actual breakfast time. The breakfast room was huge, divided into sections for different types of body, human and monkey at tables, anthrozebs at flower troughs, various sorts of flying person on perches or hanging from the ceiling. Even some of the air seemed to be alive, drifts of colour like smoke moving among the more solid sorts of diners.
Naomi was waiting for us at the table, wearing an orange and dark blue tracksuit that made her look very much the medical professional. She explained that she’d done some ‘emergency improvements’ to my body the day before yesterday, whilst we were on our way to the city. My gut and circulation now work better, apparently.
‘I was very tired yesterday,’ I told her. ‘I slept most of the time.’
She nodded. ‘That isn’t suprising. The changes were made at a subcellular level, so the disruption to your metabolism was minimal. But there was bound to be some tiredness.’
‘Are the changes permanent? I mean, will I be OK now?’
Naomi frowned, put her head on one side, glanced at Ava.
‘We’re only here another 10 days. It should certainly hold up for that long.’
I felt that same cold, panicky feeling I’d had at our first breakfast here. The green leaves and pink vatmeat on my plate suddenly looked like cold plastic, and I had no desire to eat them.
Of course. When we’d finished our itinerary, my body would be reassigned and I would travel on a beam of light, to become one with the others again, a Company.
Except I didn’t have any memory of being one with anyone. I had never been a Company and only had a vague idea what it had been like, just a few images, colours, waves, that made no sense to my human brain. I was just me.
‘I… I think I might like…’ I looked around the big, crowded room, saw an anthrozeb couple browsing at a copper flower trough, their lips tearing at the leaves and deep flowers. They seemed to be enjoying it. Perhaps I could be one of them, if the body I was in wasn’t up to it.
I could be anything, but…
‘I want to stay,’ I said.
Naomi stared at me. ‘That’s impossible. There are population caps, body limits… Remember Simon the Reptile? The 240 trillion visitors? There’s only so much space here, and it’s had two and three quarter million years to fill up.’
‘I want to be… me.’ I was surprised at how I felt: angry.
Naomi picked at the sleeve of her tracksuit. ‘Well, you don’t have to rejoin our Company. Back home there’s space, there are ways you could incorporate.’ She glanced at Ava again. ‘Cryoworm, perhaps?’
I didn’t have any Knowing about Cryoworms, but it didn’t sound like something I wanted to be. ‘I think I’d prefer to stay here,’ I repeated. ‘What do I need to do?’
This time, Naomi said it out loud. ‘Ava! Help!’
To my surprise, Ava was grinning. ‘I’ve got something up my sleeve, Paolo. I thought you might want to do this.’ She took a slurp of coffee. ‘But you need to be very sure it’s what you want. Because if you do stay, you’ll be on your own, and there’s no easy way back.’
I looked at the anthrozebs again. They’d finished with the flowers and were throwing their heads back and laughing in a neighing sort of way.
‘I’ll be all right,’ I said. ‘How many trillion people was it? I mean, I’m sure I can make some friends.’
‘There’s about 1600 million embodied on the Moon,’ said Naomi. ‘The trillions were just visitors. Like us.’
‘I’ll be OK, I’ll be OK,’ I repeated, staring at Ava, willing her to say yes.
Instead she said something better (I was kind of getting used to that with her). ‘I’ll do whatever you need me to do, Paolo. It’s yours, this life we’ve given you.’
I forgot to ask exactly what it was she had up her sleeve, and now I’m wondering about it. And I still haven’t asked her if her family had a dog, right back at the beginning of that immensely long life of hers. But then, I’ve stopped having the nightmares.
The Mastodon Chronicles 